Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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