if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Holy sore nipples Batman
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
