$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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