you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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