drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize