Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
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