that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
