Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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