he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
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There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
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You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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