Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
