i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
