she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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