I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
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It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
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Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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