Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
