So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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