can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
