somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
