your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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