Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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