How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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