Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
