..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
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Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
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I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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