Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
