Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
