took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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