I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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