I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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