after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
