My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Everclear isn't food dammit
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
