My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
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I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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