Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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