Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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