he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
There's always time for handjobs
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Randomize
