oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
