Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
