oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
