Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
