I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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