Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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