You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
