Girls should come with a carfax report
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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