i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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