I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
