Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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