New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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