ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
