I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
