My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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