Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
