This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
