Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize