Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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