he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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