I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
