I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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