not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
vagina is talking i cant
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize