I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight