Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
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He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
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Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.