cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I wish they made helmets for livers.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
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Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
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That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!