I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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