Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Sorry about my life...