Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
im six kinds of drunk right now
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Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
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You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.