Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight