he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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