Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
