did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
